Drowning or Waving
by AlidaHush
Summary: Post Showtime. After Spike's runin with the First, it's much more than the surface that needs to heal...
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Takes place after "Showtime". I was kinda pissed that they never showed Spike getting better. I thought there were a lot of emotional possibilities there. Anyway, here's my take.

Disclaimer: -bows- Joss...almighty and everliving Joss...

Rating: PG-13 for general language and Slayer violence. Nothing you wouldn't see on TV.

"Drowning Or Waving"

By: WickedFrex

Lyrics by: Bush "Out Of This World"

"When we die

We go into the arms of those who remember us"

She could think of nothing else. Just for tonight, he was the only thing that mattered. For just one night, she forgot that he was Spike. He became something more. And for one night, she felt consumed in him.When she saw him in the cave, he just hung there like some demonic Christ, too weak to even break the slight bonds that held him. He was even to weak to realize it was her.

She closed her eyes against the invading memories. They were to fresh. To close to home.

Reality was crashing in.

She needed him for the fight. They both knew that.

"We are home now

Out of our heads

Out of our minds

Out of this world

Out of this time"

He was laying there, sleeping. His chest rose and fell the way he did when he was calm. She saw the swollen eyes and the bruises on his cheek bones. The Turok Han wasn't kind to him, that was evident. But she was sure that his soul was not helping either.

He shuddered, his fingers tightening and untightening.

Nightmares. She was all to aware of nightmares. She had them too often.

He was still out of it from the trek home. It had taken a lot out of her, God knows it must have exhausted him. For now he could sleep, but she needed information. She needed to know what the First was up to and she was sure he had a clue.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Are you drowning or waving? _

_I just want you to save me _

_Should we try to get along? _

_Just try to get along"_

"Spike, we're not discussing this." Buffy turned on her heal and hoisted the bag onto her shoulder. Three days was not enough. Not to heal the internal. Maybe he looked fine on the outside, but inside she knew he was still hurting.

"Buffy..." he said softly as she walked through the crowd of worried Potentials. They were all looking at him. He didn't care. "Buffy...Buffy, don' walk away from me!" he shouted, pushing away from the wall and gathering his strength. He hid the limp pretty well. Not even the Potentials could tell, he was sure.

Buffy sighed and spun around.

"I'm goin' with you, luv." he said, barely above a whisper. He touched her arm lightly. Buffy steeled her expression. It nearly iced over.

"No. You. Are. Not." she ground out through her teeth. She wasn't looking for a spectacle tonight. All she wanted was to go out, patrol and come home. Simple. No wounded vampires aloud.

"Buffy..." Spike rummbled, the warning growing in his voice. Buffy was done. She wasn't going to stand around and waste time.

Slam. Her fist flew out and connected with his jaw, sending him sprawling onto his back. Normally, he would have gotten up. But not today. The SITs all backed away, gasping and murmoring.

Spike stayed down, groaning and rolling onto his side. Buffy dropped her bag and held out her hand to him. She hit him for a reason. She had to prove to _him_ that he wasn't well enough.

"Spike..."

"Get the bloody 'ell away from me." he moaned, scooting to the wall and using it to push himself onto shaking legs. He kept one hand on the wall as he made his way for the cellar door.

He wasn't hiding the limp anymore. He bucked and swayed the whole way. Not only was he hurt again, but his pride wasn't much better off.


	3. Chapter 3

_"So we move _

_We change by the speed of the choices that we made. _

_And the barriers are all self made._

_That's so retrograde"_

Getting back down the stairs was a picnic. He stummbled the first few steps, but caught himself and managed to go the rest of the way without falling. He still couldn't believe she hit him. After everything...

He stopped the thought. Pity was inching in. He was playing the martyr. Can't have that.

He stummbled onto the cot, happy to be sitting again. The leg would take time. But the ego would take even longer. Spike listened as the Potentials thundered out the front door.

Wouldn't be long before they came back. He should rest until then...

Eyes fluttered open to stare into the darkness. But he wasn't alone. No, someone was standing at the bottem of the stairs.

Buffy.

He sighed inwardly and drew himself up. Already the aches had subsided. He felt like he had before she thumped him.

"So, you takin' up lurking?" he asked, resting his wrist on his drawn up knee. Buffy shrugged and stepped into what little light was in the basement.

"Came to see how you were doing." she said softly, no emotion backing the words. Spike sighed and leaned his head back against the basement wall.

"S'at right? Thought you'd come down, knock me round again." he said, sarcasm edging at his voice. The cot creaked as he shifted. Suddenly, Buffy's face resigned to a softer expression and she strode over to stand directly infront of him.

"I was proving a point, Spike," she stopped, crossing her arms. "I did what I had to."

"S'at a fact?" he shifted again. "What exactly was your point, pet?"

"That you're not ready to train the girls yet."

"I am! I mean," he stopped, closing his eyes. He was rushing. "I can be."

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed. She calmly reached out and brushed her fingers over his cheek.

"I need you, Spike." she said sternly. "Training the girls can wait. When It comes, I wont be strong enough to do this alone."

"Buffy..."

"I need you to be better. Concentrate on that. The girls are fine. And there's plenty of time to train them." she stood up with a flash of a smile.

"And when you're better, they wont know what hit 'em." she smiled again and headed up the stairs. Spike resigned his head to the wall again.

Slowly, he felt his pride begin to re-knit itself...

Slowly, he felt his bones do the same...


	4. Chapter 4

_"Are you drowning or waving?_

_Just need you to save me._

_Should we try to get along?_

_Just try to get along."_

Four days later, she padded soflty back into the gloom as she had done so much lately. He was resting lightly, head against the wall. She watched as his chest rose and fell. He was calm.

Her boot heals clicked on the pavement, rousing him. His eyes slid open and a smile creaped onto his face.

"Pet." he nodded, bringing his head back from the wall. He was still smiling. And then she realized, she was too.

"Hey."

Silence. He sighed and leaned forward, chains rattling around his wrists. She wasn't going to argue with his descision. It was his to make.

"The girls are starting to wonder about you." Buffy said softly, sitting on the cot beside him. Spike smirked and nodded.

"Don' think a vampire livin' in the basement is an everyday occurance for 'em." he said dryly. Buffy chuckled.

"I meant about...you, you."

"Right. The moves." Spike said, resting his head against the wall again. "So, am I aloud to come out an play?" he quiped.

Buffy nodded slightly. "Only if you're up to it."

"Might have a bit of a go, yeah."

"Good." she said, looking him up and down before standing again. She crossed her arms, nodding again.

And that was it. Back up the stairs. Back out of his life for the next few hours.

Until she needed him again...

Until she needed him to save her from the world...


	5. Chapter 5

_"I am alive. _

_I'm gonna wait 'til the trials of confusion create. _

_There are times when I feel the way we're about to break. _

_When there's too much to say ."_

The girls drew in a breathe as the vampire stepped onto the cold floor of the kitchen, Buffy in tow. He cocked an eyebrow at them and smiled. Kennedy rolled her eyes.

After a minute of silence, Kennedy got brave.

"So," she crossed her arms and walked forward. Spike couldn't say much for her, except that she had brass. "This is Spike." she looked him up and down as if observing a lab rat.

Buffy quickly cut the tension by walking to the back door and ushering the girls out into the dark. Kennedy stood her ground.

"After you." she motioned, clearly making sure she was in attack position.

Spike sauntered out into the night, happy to feel the cool air on his skin. He'd been in that basement too long. He gave the air a silent taste. It smelled like strawberries and ash. With a smile, he fell into line next to Buffy, drawing his hands into his pockets. They were walking toward the cemetary.

"How are you doing?" she asked softly over the hum of the Potentials' talk. Spike shrugged.

"Better."

"Good. Are you sure about this?"

"Positive."

"Good."

Buffy turned the corner, sauntering through the gates of the enormous cemetary.

"So, where do we start?" Spike sighed, hands in his pockets. But Buffy didn't answer. Instead, she drew back and slammed her fist into his face. Spike stummbled back, taken by surprise. He snarled, vamping out. That was mostly out of reflex.

"What the bloody hell are you doing, Slayer?" he asked, confusion crossing his vampire features. Buffy stood her ground.

"First lesson. Always gain the upper hand." Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest. Spike snarled and lunged, swiping a fist past her cheek. Buffy leaned back and kicked him as he went by.

Spike fell onto his knees, pain radiating through his back. He sighed, but stayed down. He had no idea what Buffy was getting at.

"If you have to, get them angry. But always...always, gain the upper hand." she preached, handing Rona a stake. Rona shuddered and gave her a frightened look.

"It's O.K." she reasurred the SIT.

Spike snarled, turned around and leapt to his feet. He decided to play along. He ran at Rona, using a weak upper-cut. She screamed and jumped aside. Spike turned around and grabbed her by the arm, expecting her to follow with his motion. Instead, she screamed again and tried to run away.

Spike gripped her arm out of instinct.

His chip fired.

"Ahh!" he screamed, falling to the ground, clutching his head. Buffy quickly ran to his side. "Pet..." he tried, shrugging her off. "I'm fine. Get on with it now." he rubbed his temple once more and then vamped out again.

No one had time to ask questions. Spike charged Rona again.

"Stand your ground!" Buffy called to Rona. Spike prayed she did just that. He wasn't in the mood for a migrane. He charged her.

She held up the stake. He skittered to a stop, dodging it. Rona gritted her teeth and kicked out, slamming him in the stomach. Spike recounted with a high swipe. She ducked, slid her foot between his and pulled her foot left. Spike went down. She jumped on top of him, stake over his chest.

"You wern't trying." she whispered. Spike let his vamp face fall and shook his head. With a smile, he pushed her off.

"No. I wasn't."

Buffy scowled and took the stake from Rona. Spike thought he saw something in her eyes. Disappointment? She walked up to him, scowling again.

She blinked once, then punched him in the face. He took the blow and looked at her again, features unchanged. She punched him again.

"Buffy!" Kennedy called, arms still crossed.

Buffy punched him again. His nose began to bleed. Spike finally clenched his jaw and grabbed her wrist as she went to punch him again.

It was the reaction she was waiting for.

"Stop trying to prove things to me, love. I know what you want." he whispered, too low for the SITs to hear. Buffy nodded and walked back to stand with the girls.

"Alright. Again."


	6. Chapter 6

_"We are home now,_

_Out of our heads._

_Out of our minds._

_Out of this world._

_We're out of this time._

_We're out of this time."_

Buffy stood back as Rona charged him again. This time, Spike made it look good. Buffy smiled inwardly. She hated punching him. She used to love it, enjoy it. But she only did it because she _had_ to. She needed him to try. She needed him to be a vampire. Even for just one night.

Amanda dodged, catching the vamp in the stomach again. He grunted and doubled over. she pulled the stake back, dropping up just above his shoulder, feigning dusting.

"Good." Buffy said. Spike stood up and dusted himself off. "You O.K?" she asked him quietly. He nodded and took in a breathe.

"Alright. Good. That was really good." Buffy nodded, rubbing her arms.

Amanda handed her the stake and looked at Spike. His face held no expression.

"O.K. You all have the technique down. Let's try something else."

Spike followed them deeper into the cemetary. Buffy smiled slightly at him. When the SITs weren't looking, she reached out and squeezed his hand gently. It was an absent-minded gesture.

Neither one was thinking about it. They just kind of knew. Spike smirked and nodded, reassuring her.

"I'm fine, pet."

"You sure?"

"More than ever." he sighed.

With one more gentle squeeze, they let go of each other.

Her warmth lingered on his hand...and it felt good.

FIN


End file.
